i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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