Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
