OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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