yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
