I like my sex mixed with concussions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
