You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
