yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you win again, gameday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
