sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
