just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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