Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How does it feel to date your dad?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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