So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
