Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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