we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
