Pants 0. Shit 1.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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