onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize