4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
