this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
