I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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