Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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