You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
