I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
