Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His hands were made for my vagina.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
