Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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