We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
