My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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