i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
