thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize