so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
