We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
