why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
