I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
