I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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