The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
