Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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