if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
