porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
