i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize