Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
