did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
