what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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