the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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