i just had sex bonerless
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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