First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
