Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
