did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize