You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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