chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
