Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
