So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize