talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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