I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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