You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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