im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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