No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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