How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
