Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
