i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
