Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
