watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
please don't ironically join a cult
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