god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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