Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
