Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
