How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
