you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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