Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
