how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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